Do you know what this world needs? An award for the Best Funny Wine Glass, some kind of funny wine glass Olympics. We may be biased, but Lushy Wino would surely win the gold medal in every category (and the silver, and the bronze!) But since that award doesn’t exist - yet - allow us to provide our picks for the best, most award-winningest funny wine glass sayings.
- The “Best Wine Glass That Also Doubles As A Life Coach” Award
We love the message of our stemless Be Kind Re-Wine glass. It’s simple, concise, and offers some pretty solid life advice. “Be Kind”? Well, that’s just obvious, everyone should be kind. “Re-Wine”? Always, because wine makes everything better. Be Kind AND Re-Wine at the same time? Congratulations, my friend - you’re winning at life and our funky wine glasses helped you to do it. (The judges also awarded an extra tenth of a point for the retro 80’s feel of the message. Remember VCRs? They were the best.)
- The “Drinking is a Team Sport” Award
Team sports promote sharing, camaraderie and fair play. Our When I Sip You Sip We Sip glass also teaches these things, but you get wine and don’t actually have to do any physical exercise - which is definitely a better deal. This glass serves as a reminder that wine with friends is one of life’s greatest activities. Plus, you have somebody to remember (and post online) all of the embarrassing things you did after too much Merlot. So, don’t think of it as just getting wasted with your friends, think of it as team try-outs!
- The Lifetime Achievement Award, Junior Division
Happy birthday! Despite the many, many stupid things that you did in your reckless youth, you’re still alive. You managed to reach the big 3-0 birthday, which means you are officially a real grown-up and should probably trade in that futon for an actual couch. Now, you may be thinking Fuck I’m 30, but don’t worry. You still have a lot of life, and drinking ahead of you! Celebrate the occasion with our fun commemorative wine tumbler.
- The Lifetime Achievement Award, Senior Division
Remember we just said about turning 30? That was the minor leagues, my friends. If you’ve reached your 80th birthday and are enjoying some Shiraz out of our Fuck I’m 80 tumblers, there is simply no award we can give you because you have already won the life lottery. People in their 80s are feisty bad-asses and deserve to enjoy all the wine they want. You are the Muhammad Ali of wine-drinking, the greatest of all time. We raise our funny wine glasses to you.
- The “Best Achievement By A Typo” Award
It was a close call, but our I Make Pour Decisions engraved wineglass beat the competition by pulling double duty. Is the word “pour” a typo or is it a funny double entendre? Who says it can’t be both? We make “pour” decisions all the time - do I pour the Pinot or do I pour the Merlot? Do I pour a second glass, or a third or fourth? We make “poor” decisions too, but picking this wineglass is not one of them.
- “Most Improved Song Lyric” Award
With all due respect to Britney, our Sip Me Baby One More Time wine glass should get a funny wine glass award and a Grammy Award for that wordplay. We can’t look at this glass without shaking our bootay and imagining ourselves on stage with a giant snake-like Brit-Brit. Take some Zinfandel, an iconic ‘90s pop song and your best wine-induced dance moves, and you’ve just completed the triathlon event of wine-drinking.
While we get to work on making wine glass-engraving an Olympic event, you can do your part to support this venture by awarding yourself with an engraved wine glass that features one of the best funny sayings ever. If someone asks, simply tell them you’re not tipsy, you’re in training for the World Series of Wine!
Image: Pixabay